Dear Stupid Flanders
by micman60
Summary: Homer writes a letter to Ned Flanders a few years after he moves away.


_AN at the bottom as always. Enjoy.  
_

* * *

Dear Flanders

How are you? This is Homer Simpson, your old neighbour. It's been a while since we've talked, and I felt like catching up with you. Don't worry, Hell hasn't frozen over - I just felt like a chat with an old familiar face.

How are things on your side? You left pretty suddenly, overnight basically. Were we really that bad as neighbours? Ha ha, just some Simpsons humor for you. I'm sure you're doing fine wherever you ended up - you always seem to make things work.

As for us? We're doing alright. Little Lisa got accepted to Harvard, can you believe it? She's getting a Doctorate in environmental science, which is good to balance out her garbage "theology" degree. Bart... well, not everyone needs a college education. Especially not garbagemen. To give him credit, though, he's held this job down for around 6 months which is a new record. Maggie's doing well in middle school, though she's sick with bronchitis at the moment. Marge has started to let her hair go grey, but she's still the same beautiful woman I married all those years ago.

Rod and Todd aren't doing too bad either. Rod's taken to work at the Bowlorama pretty well, and Barney's thinking of promoting him to owner when he retires. Todd helps out at the church whenever he can, but doesn't have much of a living to speak of. They live together in your old house - it's a good thing you had paid off the mortgage before you left.

Every boy should be with his father, but it's not like they could have followed you, after all.

I have to say, Flanders, you must have really been friends with the big Guy upstairs to have died so peacefully. You shuffled off on a Sunday night, in your sleep. You got to church one more time, and off you went. It was a surprise for all of us, you were pretty fit for 70 and you always seemed like you'd be around. I must have been in my late 40's at the time - time's really been flying.

It's been around 10, 15 years now I think about it. Now I'm getting older myself, and I find myself thinking back to when we were neighbours. I used to feel so inadequate, with my bratty kids and low income, compared to your well-behaved family and luxury items. It seems so stupid now, and now I look back I realized that I always had a reliable friend next door. It feels sad, almost - how I've only just realized. You were a good man, Ned Flanders. Maybe the best man I'll ever meet.

Anyway, I'll wrap this up. It's been good writing you this letter, and though I doubt you'll ever read it wherever you are it's been refreshing getting this all off my chest. I suppose I'll be seeing you sometime in the future, won't I? I'll give it to you then. Hopefully you'll be keeping both the wives happy.

I'll see you someday soon, stupid old-man Flanders.

* * *

"Homer, what are you doing?"

Homer tensed up as Marge's voice rang out from up the kitchen. Folding his letter and jamming it into the side of the couch, he called back.

"I'm writing a letter to those damn advertisers! TV's so filthy nowadays, they ought to do something about it!"

"Okay, then. Do you still want porkchops for dinner?"

"Yeah, that'll be great!" Homer called back. Looking down at the collapsible table he had in front of him, he quickly added "I'm gonna have dinner in front of the TV, okay? I've got the table out already."

Marge frowned.

"Well, if it's already out, alright."

Sighing with relief, Homer flicked on the TV.

"_Tonight, on International Women's Thong-Wrestling, the Buxom Beast of Boston goes head to head with the Heavy Houston Harlet!_"

Sitting back, with a beer in his hand, Homer smiled.

"Awesome."

~End~

**AN: I've been watching the first season of The Simpsons lately, and it's surprised me with how mature and serious it is. It made me pine for a more serious, heartfelt Simpsons, so I ended up writing this. They might not always get along, but Ned and Homer had their moments where they'd help each other along and it'd be clear that despite Homer's brash and rude behavior, and later selfish and jerkish behavior, he cared for his neighbour a great deal.**


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